The Top Ten Things I've Heard This Week And It's Only Wednesday!

(And it's a short week! Conferences are tomorrow and Friday! No school for the kids!)

10. "I have a headache. Can I lay down?" 

9. "I just want to go home." 

8. "I feel like I'm going to throw up." 

7. "I threw up. I swear. In the bathroom. And then flushed it."

6. "Your thermometer must be wrong. I SWEAR I have a fever." 

5. "I didn't eat breakfast. I was (insert reason here)." 

4. "I'm starving. Yes, I ate breakfast, but my stomach HURTS. I need MORE FOOD." 

3. "My stomach hurts. Yes I ate. I pooped yesterday. No, I don't have to poop now. I just want to go home. My stomach hurtssss." 

2. "I have this pain in my big toe that hurts that you can't fix and I need you to call home so they can bring me this magic potion that I have to go home for becauseit'samagicpotionandyoucan'thelpmeand..."

1. "I DON'T WANT TO BE IN CLASS SO I'M MAKING UP EVERY EXCUSE TO TRY TO GO HOME ON THIS SHORT WEEEEEEK. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S TEN SECONDS BEFORE THE BELL I WANT TO GO HOOOOMMMEEE." 

This was an interesting exchange that happened this morning to me. 

Kindergartner, 6 year old female. We'll name her Shelby, walks in to school with her older siblings. She has mud on the hem of her pants. Her shoes are fine and the rest of her clothes are fine. Her siblings explain that she slipped a bit outside as it's raining. 

Shelby: "I have mud on my pants." 

Me: "I see that." 

S: "I need it off of my pants." 

M: "Well...I can't get it off while it's wet. Why don't I send you to class so you can learn, and then when it dries you can come back and we can get it off?" 

S: "I have mud on my pants." 

M: "I know, It's a shame. I'm so sorry. But you really need to be in class learning, and I don't have a hair dryer or heater to make the mud dry faster, and your mom is at work, so if we just let your pants dry for a bit--" 

S: "But I have mud on my pants.. 

This exchange goes on for about another three minutes before I give up and decide that this student is not going to give up. I dial mom's number and it goes straight to voicemail. I dial grandma's number, knowing full well this woman is not going to have any clothing for this child. Grandma tells me what I already know, and I tell grandma the situation. 

G: "Let me speak to her please." 

M: "Okay." 

S: "Hello?" 

Now, I couldn't hear the conversation, but this is what I could hear. 

S: "But I have mud on my pants." 

-Silence- 

"But I have mud on my pants." 

--Silence-- 

"But. I. have. MUD. ON. MY. PANTS." 

--silence. Sigh. Groan. Sigh.--

"I have mud on my pants. But okay." 

the phone is handed back to me and a very irritated six year old walks off to class. 

The grandmother tells me she'll try to get hold of mom at work. I thank her and hang up. 

About two hours later mom shows up with a change of pants. The girl changes. These pants fit her better and the girl hands mom the pants with the mud dried on them. 

She looks straight at mom and says, "You know, mom, I could have waited until the mud dried and then wiped it off! Nurse Jessica could have helped me." 

I almost lost it. 

The girl went back to class and the mom looked at me. "I am so sorry." she said. I smiled at her, that kind of smile that you're trained to give when you smell that foul stench, or you're in the presence of someone who gave you unpleasant news, that professional smile that doesn't quite reach past your eyes. "It's okay. If it happens again we'll just wait and wipe the mud off!" I say, hoping it comes off more jokingly than the sarcasm that's dripping in my brain. 

All I wanted to do was go home. 

"But I have mud on my pants..." 

Me too, kid. Me too.